If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one pretty. I want a typhoon. When I see food, I eat it. It releases oxytocin, which can trigger all sorts of bonding responses in the human body. Make your friends bust out laughing with one of these clever things to write on a card: Valentines is the perfect opportunity to express your love to your significant other or write a funny card to your fellow singles. We might have the phrase "Son of a bitch" in English, but Spaniards take things a bit further. A more common variant is She doesnt know what shes talking about, since these words are often spoken by a male to discredit a female who isnt in the room and therefore cannot (immediately) defend herself. Your the reason god created the middle finger, You're entitled to your incorrect opinion, You should really take a trip to hell, and take your parents with you, if i was you ide donate myself to a thrift store because thats where cheep crap goess, sorry my internet is slow but atleast im happy its not as slow as your brain, Was you born on a highway? I would say my heart, but its just not as big. Eleanor . There are so, so many comments from young women who have been hurt and who have found a way to hurt back. A pain in the ass? We hear people say that they want to kiss the butt, touch the butt and heck, some people even say they want to eat the butt. If you order pizza tonight, I am at your service, baby! Im on a seafood diet. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said. 82 Chuck Norris Jokes//91 Yo Mama Jokes//154 Bad Jokes//118 Bad Dad Jokes. You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about. 50 Hurtful Insults For Your Ex When you Just Need To Be Mean - GLOW UP LIFE I love what youve done with your hair. There is no comeback you can give a toxic person that will shut them up or shame them into apologizing or make them look worse to your teammates than they already do. Dont delay. Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. You just won $1 million. If you want to be funnier in social situations, try these jokester-approved tips: When youre feeling a little doubtful about your sense of humor, remember that you can learn to be funny just like any other people skill. Its a bigoted response to anything that doesnt line up with someones narrow idea of what it means to be an American Christian. What is the funniest "toxic" thing someone has said to you? May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm. (& Other Questions! Well yeah, it is your fault. I will slap you so hard even Google wont be able to find you. Share them whenever you get the chance! That being said, allow me to redirect you to the discount section. Good job. Sending a bunch of texts in a row can be a sign of neediness. have you ever considered not trying to be an idiot? I didnt think it was possible to give me more reasons to hate you until today. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for 10 years. Dont worry. The right comeback will make you come across as intelligent. They clap their hands over their eyes. Using emojis like , or to make sure your friends know that youre messing around. OH MY GOD, Ive been waiting to hear from you all day. Introverted does not mean antisocial. Then vote for it at the page end. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. Excuse me, did it hurt? Your poor mama didn't have no choice. We look so good together. 22. Log in. phrases. Youre the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. Whether over text or IRL, infusing humor into daily conversations makes socializing much more fun and interesting. Im sure youll enjoy that bonus content. People tell me to take a joke, but the only joke I see if you, omg it is your long lost brother: spongebob I"ll drown you so you can have a better life with him jerk. A woman passing by remarks: If you were any sort of a gentleman, youd lift your hat to a lady. He replies: If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself., Whenever your ex says youll never find someone like me, the answer to that is: Thats the point.. The stock market. Roses are red, violets are blue, the trash is dumped and so are you. Everything is beautiful! "No one has ever said 'no' to . Id have hired an exterminator if I knew you were gonna bug the shit out of me. Youre more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. When was the last time you caught yourself using words that hurt someone else? Laughter is a social superpower. You have a lot in common with the wart on my toe: Youre hard to get rid of, and I cant stand the pain you bring me daily. The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck. Can we go to the zoo? "You're being dramatic," or "Quit being emotional," "Why are you so difficult," "You make things so hard on me," "someone else has it worse, so stop crying." -VividTangerine. In this ultimate toolbox, youll learn the most essential skills to developing self-improvement. A quirky joking message a few hours later can lighten the mood and remind them that they never responded. He also chases his tail for entertainment. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships. I would roast you, but my mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash. #6: "Sorry You Feel that Way. Youve probably seen someone stop another persons talking by putting a hand up to their face, as if to say, Talk to the hand. Its a rude and dismissive way of saying, I dont care about what youre saying.. Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. synonyms. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk around a few more times? Thats where most accidents happen. You can probably think of a list of hurtful words and phrases that have become the go-to expressions of people youve met. Mirrors cant talk. Im not going to repeat myself, but Im also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking. I do when I enter, you do when you leave. If you cant laugh at yourself, I can help you out. Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable. Youre the reason God created the middle finger. 6. Sometimes I just wish aliens would abduct me and crown me their leader. Hey, you have something on your chin. If you want to shut someone down when they start to get mean, you need to use one of these perfect comebacks: If you want to get the last word into an argument, you need to use these great jokes: Dont hold yourself back from saying what youre thinking. It got a little chillier in here once I realized you were a cold-hearted bitch. You know, when you leave the room. 3. Roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the middle one is for you. Your secrets are always safe with me. Im sorry that my brutal honesty inconvenienced your ego. Send a pun-filled birthday message to my friend Anna. Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now. Dont hate me because Im beautiful. Hijo de las Mil Putas. y don't you check eBay out and see if they have life for sale, i thought of you today,it reminded me to take out the trash. Continue the joke, please. When someone dismisses another human being as useless, the intention is to make them feel worthless as if their death would do the world a bigger favor than their continued existence. If this was a game of checkers, itd now officially be your move. Youre lucky intelligence isnt measured in negative numbers. Just remember that you dont want to come across as too clingy. I consider you something a vulture would eat. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. Ya IQ is -77666888389393488484829299292929 and my baby brothers is 1, when people make fun of adopted kids "At least they where wanted", Your the reason why there are instructions on shampoo bottles. 14 Fun Things to do in St. Louis in March - msn.com I keep thinking you cant get any dumber and you keep proving me wrong. No, the 3rd one down. Things took a weird turn when Associated Press technology reporter Matt O'Brien was testing out Microsoft's new Bing, the first-ever search engine powered by artificial intelligence, last month. "You're not funny. Funny Quotes to Make A Girl Smile When a Girl is Sad: A smile is a reflection of her love that entails many things in your relationship. i have 5 fingers, each one resembles a person. Last weeks test was on shapes and colors, but it appears like you might have to revisit that after todays conversation. It'll give you a chance to see if they can take it as well as they can dish it out. Continue reading and youre gonna find it. In your case, theyre nothing. If you want to write something more unique before Happy Valentines Day, here are some cheesy lines. I suggest you do a little soul searching. However, its crucial to strike a balance between lightheartedness and being appropriate. Yours is a face that only a mother and a friend like me could love. A broken drumyou cant beat it! Live it up today, Lady! Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies. You are the human version of period cramps. But theres nothing quite like LOLing when your friend sends you a random midday text with something hilarious. Every woman should marry an archeologist. And Im leaving early. You look so good I want to plant you and grow a whole field of yall. Sometimes, though, we use offensive words without even realizing it. Stupidity isnt a crime, so youre free to go. But the expression, Its all in your head, shouldnt be used when theres still a possibility (however remote) that the complaint is due to a real health problem. Of course, you can also use funny insults on your best friends when theyre being a little too annoying. It reminded me to take out the trash. Im just really grateful Im not you. Or were you just saying something you thought was funny? Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. I might be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid. Id slap you but I dont want to make your face look any better. Youre the type of person that uses their 3. That is where most accidents happen. Id smack you, but that would be animal abuse. And yes, Im referring to the mirror as well. Even smart people can have dumb ideas, but once you dismiss someone as a fool, youre essentially saying they have nothing of value to say about anything. I thought of you today. Bipolar disorder isnt a joke. It shouldnt be hard to realize this since no one wants to be told their ideas are dumb., This word had an even stronger negative connotation than dumb.. you're IQ is the reason humans arnt on mars yet. "She said, 'I can't wait to meet your mom,' while we were having sex." 6. Forget about the presentI didnt get you one! Boring texts are the bane of everyones existence. But I had to pay admission. Group assignments make me understand why Batman works alone. Men or women might use this expression to goad another man into doing something they want him to do, whether its in his best interests or not. If you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher. Your breath is the reason for climate change. Listen to your doubts. This insult accuses someone of being the son of far more than one puta ( "prostitute", also "bitch"): "Son of a thousand whores" is a perfectly ordinary phrase hurl at someone who has annoyed you. If youre waiting for me to start care, I hope you brought something for eating, because its gonna be a long time. You can be anything you wantexcept good looking. Just beware of accidental miscommunications. Some are genuinely fascinating, while some are too funny (not to mention totally relatable) that we needed to share them with you. Most doctors are too busy addressing emergencies to devote much attention to non-emergency mystery illnesses. Engaging in the argument is not worth itit fixes nothing, it usually generates more toxicity from that person and it risks tilting your entire team. You have a face only a mother could love. I respect the opinion of everyone who agrees with me. I only thought you talk behind my back! This TikToker is a genius for engagement! How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? Roses are red, Violets are blue. Id explain it to you but I left my English-to-Dumbass Dictionary at home. This question can surely make her smile after getting to know that she is the reason for your happiness. I used to be addicted to soap, now I'm clean! I was hoping that it was you. 27. I never even listen when you tell them. It reminded me to take out the trash. Spending some time would imply Id spend anything on your ungrateful ass. If youre going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard. And I really hope you stay there. You are not someone I pretend not to see in public. If Isaidanything to offend you it was purely intentional. borrded the titanic she sunk it, Donald Trump is smarter than you he has a IQ of 2 You have a IQ of -200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and so on. Because youre the only 10 I see. It looks like she went into Claires Boutique, fell on a sale rack and said, Ill take it! Large and in charge isn't your excuse to be a fat asshole. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Hi there, Im under 18 and my mom said not to talk to strangers. 26. 90% of your beauty could be removed with a Kleenex.