So Ive decided to join her. The sadness and loneliness gets better but I personally dont think I will ever get back to where I was before my sons death. I am so blessed to have found these resources and may they also provide some comfort to you. no one understands and I often find myself pretending to others everything is fine. Dont know how to be happy. It was discovered that he had Guianne Barre disease that has been proven to be caused by this shot. Lost my husband 2 yrs 4 months its hard I have good days but I need someone to talk to thats not family. Take care of yourself. Here are 100 things that happened after my mom died. People who have not been through the sudden death of a spouse have no idea. I just had my s/o 1 year anniv of his passing and it was really a difficult few weeks leading up to it. I went online to read up on it. , too, lost my husband 2-1/2 years ago. Im so angry about that now, I could have took better care of him here with us. Trying to figure out how Ill ever move on and know I have to. He died suddenly in war. Guess what? I thought they were going lock me up. I pray I will soon be better. Im in the 3rd yrs of losing my brother and its been so hard then four weeks ago my other brother died! Lisa Zaleski, who lives in White Lake, Mich., confronted the unimaginable, first losing her daughter, Sydney, in June 2017 at the age of 23 in a car accident, then her son Robert in December 2019 . Though I never lied to them about all of this, theyve never seen me down. Rest in peace dad." "Our love for you is as strong as ever, Dad. You are with me. To say I miss him, cant never give me the I wish I could believe it is going to be ok but I dont feel that way. I just can not move forward as fast as they can. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. They are my life line; especially since I live in town without my daughter and grandchildren, or for that matter without my parents, brothers sisters and extended family. Linda and Anndont you wish people like ourselves could do things with each other when we are going through a difficult time? I have lost all my strength without him. Im living for him as well. The finality of it all. I think everyone thinks I should have moved on and gotten over it. Donna, Im same as you . Truth is, he would be angry if I didnt try, and try hard. And worked she was sick of hospitals. Her smile and laugh and crazy hair. My Lukie died in his sleep in his bed at home. I cant remember last Thanksgiving or Christmas but I made it. I hope for your best and for someone wiser than myself and more experienced than myself contribute to your (our) understanding. I have read most of the posts..we are all in pain..it has been 1 year 1 month and 6 days since I lost my best friend my anchor..I live interstate away from my two children..I work full time and have lots lf work colleagues..my lifelong friend lives interstate..I have two dogs and no close friends outside of work.suddenly my pain and lonliness seems to be more devastating that in the first 12 months..people think I am tough and have done really well and appear happy again.how wrong they all are..underneath this fascade is a really sad person whose heart has broken wide open.right now I seriously feel being dead would be easier..I am empty inside with no future to look forward to.even my sense of humour which I am renowned for has died with my hubbyI do motivate muself to go oit and am surrounded by couples only enforcing on how lonely I ama person who used to be extra energetic, happy, always laughing..this person is now dead inside with no wish to carry on with my life.not sure how long I can go on for..if it werent for my dogs I would have left this life months agodont care any more..sorry..but there is no way I can tell anyone how I feel..not even my Grief Counsellor..I know I am not the only one of us who feels like this so whoever you are you will know exactly how I am feelingand no..I will not use antidepressants..I am not depressed there ks no medication for heartbreak. That I went into flight mode and tried to protect myself from anymore pain, from the hurt. Similar to your situation I bottle all my emotions inside of me, deep deep down because I didnt know how to cope with his loss. Actually there have been windows of time, weeks at a time when I havent cried daily but I recently left the country to live in my native UK so I imagine that brought up a lot, hence the perceived regression. 6. He was 13 years older than me but it never mattered until he got congestive heart failure. We were only married a year and a half. God Bless, I understand where youre coming from Sharon. Moving forward just doesnt seem possible. There is no right or wrong, but while I have always been decisive, I now find myself unsure. I lost my wife as well, my best friend o 32 years. Find those who will support you and those who do understand or have a great sense of empathy. Still in a trance i suppose on autopilot she was only 52. My heart still beats, but my mind is not into anything. I cant get my head around the anniversary already being here when it all seemed to happen only yesterday. Ill never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. My God what if I do get into those 80s? But it cant make the feelings and emotions go away all together. Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. At least in reading others words I feel that were not alone. I lost my mother Nov. 2013, my father march 2015, my stepmother feb 2016, my mother in law march 2016, my son may 2016 and his father july 2016 This is one year I will never get over. "Remembering and honoring you on this day, one year after this world lost a precious soul.". Doctors once said I would never be able to conceive. Believe me what has help me here recently is reading all of these post, people have told about losing their loved ones. I havent eaten a real meal since it happened. Everyone expects after 2 or so weeks your life is back to normal, little do they know that reality has not yet hit you. So I dont open to her, she has a lot of anger, which doesnt help me at all. I know what you are going through. Its miraculous Im still up on that tight rope. Im the only left to help them. I cant even remember the first few months. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore. And especially to those whove lost a spouse, Im so sorry you are in this rotten club with me the one nobody wants to join. Im currently in the process of dealing with all the emotions that come from grief. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. To many memories in this house that I feel hold me back. Glad I happened onto this website where I can share such deep feelings that I used to share with the love of my life. Operation, trial drugs immunotherapy, radiation..and they came back worse every time till they couldnt do anything else. Nothing i do or say can change what happened. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and challenges to my health and mental wellness. 6 more people passed including my father. We had a great marriage and we were grateful for all the years we had. It has been 18 years since I lost my husband, and I will tell you, it does get easier. Sometimes, when Im having a bad day, that pain makes it hard to breathe. Just trying to move forward in life but the pain came back again and it hurts so much. We have good days and bad days but the longing is always there. Take baths , walks and learn to breath. On this day of mourning, you and your loved ones are in our thoughts. Sudden death is what they called it, his kind and gentle heart just stopped beating. I do have 3 friends that lost their sons the same summer as mine. She had brain hematoma initially, she got sepsis after a month being in a coma. I share everyones pain expressed here. I stay positive for my kids and grandkids. I struggle with everyday. This was without doubt the hardest thing Ive ever done. How to Recover and Find Strength after Losing a Parent - Tiny Buddha Be kind to yourself. Scars are only ugly to people who cant see. I will be praying for both of us. I just want to hold my son, tell him I love him, see his beautiful smile not just one more day but forever. We are devastated. At 66 tomorrow, birthday week for both of us. The second year of grief is like reliving the first year but awake. ~ C.R. so be it . Regardless she of 37 years marriage and 6 years of love prior is gone and so was I actually the day of diagnosis in June. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, Getting in touch with other widows/ widowers has helped, though. And lots of shipwrecks. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. Three powerful life-changing words passed on from God to us: Now choose life! I remarried in 2012 after dating for 5 years my second husband died 6 weeks later of heart attack on his way to work at the fire department. Im disabled so i walk with a caneand in constant pain from that. I stayed in pjs all weekend and left my phone off. Im basically still just going through the motions, something in my soul cracked this year when i lost them. He passed fifteen days after our 47th Anniversary. I am ready to lie in bed until I am gone. What if lose him too? They were able to get a heartbeat, he was on ventilator and all tests everything came back to normal. The second is that the shock may be gone but then, for me, is a longing for the companionship of my husband.He was an exceptional person, as I sure all of your loved ones were! Her death is still the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. We lost our 16yo child to suicide four months ago. I am shattered, dont want to live without him, and every morning I still wake up after a night of praying and pleading to The Creator, to please let me go Home to join my beloved soulmate. Dear Dad, It's been one year and one month since you're gone. The second year was guilt as I moved further from her friends and family (honestly, we moved from each other). My heart goes out to all of you. I just survive praying to God that one day we will be united. We struggled to get answers until she was diagnosed with an extremely rare brain disease. Time Flies Quotes. Fighting for Surviving life minute by minute. You do. I cant function with this . 1st 6 months was a blur whilst I navigated other peoples concern and my childs own grief. I deal with people daily and do not like my job. all the time.God bless you. But there was a need to accept at a deeper level, and it was very very hard. He did this June 2017 so all 1st have passed but now is the hardest part for me. 5 Months since The Queen Passed Away - YouTube Your story is so touching. That;s I was numb the first year, but now Its really hard. Dear Tracy, I know it is hard, but I have a wonderful story to share. When Keanu died, I disintegrated physically and mentally. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. I function. John R. Lewis, congressman and civil rights icon, 80. That was the dilemma facing Americans who received $1,200 stimulus payments in 2020 by paper check or direct deposit, in the names of deceased spouses and other family members. - Unknown. Ill keep tip toeing forward and maybe attempt to wave at someone carrying their boulder on the tight rope next to me. RKD. We all know that with life there is death. Im only having the most difficult time at night once our boys go to bed. Who I am very proud to have and love them all dearly. Our marriage wasnt perfect but we worked through all our problems and we loved each other more now then when we first said I do. She fought with ovarian cancer since 2011. He was the love of my life and like others above, no one could ever take his place. Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences. I have our two dogs (my puppies that keep me going). Im just so heavy hearted hearing everyones stories. Its not easy. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown. It's been just a few years since you passed away. My friend says we are misfits. There is such sadness and emptiness. Every day is a struggle doing better with Councellor,but I miss him sooooo much Forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself and know that with time, it will begin to heal. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses. The first is a book by the author Megan Devine, Its OK That Youre Not OK. There were many ups and downs with surgeries and chemo, but she lived for everyday with our children. We had an age gap of 14 years and he was like a father to me. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. I've written letters to everyone who . with friends like that, who needs enemies. Im in a slump dont wont go out or visit. Our bond of love was so deep and our lives so inextricably intertwined that a part of me died that day too. He was my everything. She was still in very good condition for her age. Thank you for sharing your stories it makes me feel kind of normal. I lost my mum 13 months ago. I am 39, I could live a long time yet. I lost my dear Husband 10 months ago on Dec 19 2018 and then my lovely beautiful son passed away 8 weeks later.I am struggling still so badly.I am trying so hard to get on with my life but its not getting any better yet.I cry every day and so depressed and lonely.I just keep hoping and praying it will get better.We had been together 60 yrs and married 55,its so hard and miss him so much.My son had Cancer but fought it for 4 yrs,but it beat him in the end.I keep thinking ile feel better but as yet it doesnt.Ime just hoping and praying I will get to feel better. My personality has changed, I feel clold hearted alot,when Im warm by nature. I know the biggest star in the sky that is shining the most is you. Watching all my friends with their husbands makes me so sad. It was after the first week that I began to fear she wouldnt make it. At least we always made sure to tell each or other I love you before we parted on the phone or in person.And although there was a bit of a gap between us they were there for every stage of my life as a baby they helped my mom with me not because they had to no they wanted to,as a child they were my heros then as time went on the feeling was mutual and a bond grew A moment that changed me - the death of my sister and the grief that I lost my mum very unexpectedly and suddenly on the 27th october 2018. Im not that lucky have no living relatives .just my my cats..some months the other person i talk with is my doctors..and go weeks setting in the house watching tv or looking out the window. Jackie, you put into words all i have been unable to say. Screaming, crying, cursing God, cursing everybody and everything. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). I love you Max forever youll always be in my heart and I see you in our 4 sons and grandchildren..youre missing their weddings and special celebrationsto all of you hear on this page I pray you find hope and courage to keep going . But his plans now don't appear as concrete. Lost. She was 2 when he went and she is robbed of her loving gramps. Im in month 25. What we never knew was how devastating being left behind could be and continues to be. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. There is a scripture in the Bible says a time for everything. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. There seems no point although I try to pray. I am into year #2 . He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. She has no idea what this loss feels like, what your love felt like, or what is right for you. I was told the first year was the hardest As I come up to the end of the year I find myself getting more irrational daily. She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita.