Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? oy. im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. Termination of Parental rights does NOT absolve you from paying Child Support in the United States of America. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? To everyone. But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. You cant live without food. He has to fit the baby into their life, not the other way around. Thats fd. Weeks. What Your Breakup Will Tell You About Your Ex-Girlfriend - Luvze So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! Like most men are running around handing out free money to them without them having to fight for it. No real comment from me today. A kid is not a building. Oh, good lord. Shall I and all the other taxpayers? Ugh so agree with Amanda. He was there just as much as that woman was. He didnt expect that to happen. Thats the responsible thing for anyone to do after having unprotected sex and before beginning a new relationship. The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. Dude and LW split, Dude meets Lady, Dude and Lady go home together. You have no opinion in this matter. Hes just not ready to start a family. April 10, 2012, 6:08 pm. My sister has 3 birth control babies. Shutterstock. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm.
Child support is, indeed, a lottery win for women, by which they compel men who had nothing to do with their lifestyle choices to support their lifestyle choices in the manner to which they have become accustomed. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. He is doing alot better. April 9, 2012, 5:29 pm. The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. BC. landygirl This is so hard for me. April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. Whether that be by having the child, supporting the child, adoption, abortion, whatever. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. However, since the pregnant ex of the LWs ex seems to want the child and seems to know the guys take on it, it is apparently her decision to bring a child into that reality. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. But everyday it breaks my heart knowing I'm not going to be the top priority. Thank God for the real men. Thank God for the laws in place protecting children against men like you. Going through a breakup can be tough.It can leave you feeling restless and struggling to fill the white space left behind by the relationship. You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. Seriously this is skeeving me out. One is right next to me . April 10, 2012, 7:09 pm. So the man in there He should probably act responsibly too. We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. I dont care. But what can I do? Then the unlikely happens. Miranda Lambert's new cop hubby lived a 'secret life' - Page Six And thats a double entendr. 2. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. Like getting child support is easy.
My inclination would be to run away from this guy as fast as you can. The problem is not the other woman, the problem is your man and how you are responding to everything. Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. reader, Junebug2589+, writes (22 November 2008): A
And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. It says there is no child at conception. the manchild gene!! Hes not a victim, unless she raped him. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. Have whatever sex you want. Admirable restraint indeed. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. There is no child at conception very good. It would be one thing if he just lashed out in momentary anger/shock, but soon came around to a more sane discussion of options, etc. Oh no! And finally we see what youre doing ranting about paternity laws and mens rights on a relationship advice site. Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. I just think its extremely scumbag-ish to want nothing to do with your child, no matter how it was conceived. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. But, they both had lawyers. Especially the children. Im not saying it doesnt happen, but I find it hard to believe that people who dont take care dont get pregnant and every unwanted pregnancy is always the product of birth control failure. Its just biological fact- unfair probably, but not something we can change. And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. Do you have any other questions? A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. female
because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. How fast his new relationship is moving. We learned that in middle school. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Im not a woman hater happily married for 15 years, and I love my mother, my sister and even my mother-in-law. Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. Choose. April 9, 2012, 5:19 pm, Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. I don't know my place anymore because he doesn't want to tell her we're back together. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. Ask Dr. Sherry: 'My Fianc Got Another Woman Pregnant, Now - Essence In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) For more information, please see our No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. The father would divorce himself from the child and any obligations to the mother. Its not some windfall for women. My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. That is a risk women take. I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. Thats not the point here. SweetsAndBeats Exactly where is there a grown-up here? Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. The female of the species carry the offspring. Not me. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. I love him so I'm willing to accept the baby. But I just don't know anymore. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A
It is duplicated below. Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. And should. I cant even write anymore, my brain hurts. When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. And WHY did he not practice safe sex since he only knew her 2 minutes? I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. Your are putting words into peoples mouths. All rights reserved. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. Been there Hold the phone. Ill never in a million years get it. SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! For the love of all things holy are you deliberately obtuse or truly lacking in basic comprehension? Also, if the other woman keeps the baby, this is going to provide significant insight into her boyfriends character that will help her make her decision. April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. Seriously. You are too funny John. lets_be_honest There is no way to know this. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. bittergaymark How does your law make this fair? Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship Knowing him for two minutes is not significant at all to a woman who feels that abortion is morally wrong for religious reasons. Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. Do you want a man who doesnt want to be in a childs life because it means being with you?
Your logic is weird. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. just my opinion. .of F****** Idiots. SpaceySteph Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. A Breakup During Pregnancy Made Me Realize the Mom I Want to Be skyblossom Twitter Debates 16-Year Age Gap Between Jaylen Brown & Mouthwatering Meemaw Bernice Burgos, Barbie Gyal Nicki Minaj Returns From Hiatus And Sets Di Road Ablaze At Trinidad Carnival 2023, Rain Pon Meeee: Ashanti Reminds Everyone How Feathered And FINE She Was At Trinidad Carnival 2019, Chaka Khan Shows No Mercy Blasting Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey & Other Names On Rolling Stone's 'Greatest Singers' List, Funniest (And Pettiest) Tweets From NBA All-Star Weekend 2023. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? Well, hey, point out the flaws in what I said, then. First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. There is no rhyme or reason. Malarky. I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. I chose to have a baby. Move on. This guy, you can most definitely live without. I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! This gets to the basic conflict. Im lucky that it has worked well for me and Im still childless, especially given the recent breakup and all. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. He is placing all of the blame of this two minute relationship that resulted in a baby on the women, and that is pretty shitty. troll label aside, we do get together monthly and burn ex-boyfriends in effigy so hes got us there. You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. She didnt sneak up in the dark of the night and steal his seed and turkey baste herself, Chuck. Jess of CGW Men this means condom. Run as if your life depends on it because it does. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. I mean every word! Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have.. (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). Whether those parents planned it or not they need to be there for that kid and not just dump it becuase you feel like it. It is scummy though. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. I dont know what he told her within those two minutes but obviously it worked cause now yeah. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . Abandoning a child does. Lucky us. And for some reason people always seem to have the idea that it wont happen to them. I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. Just shut up and pay the bills, right? Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. Steve Kellmeyer You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) Not that hes upset about the situation but furious with this woman. Wether he likes it or not, shes keeping the baby. I dont believe in forcing people to become parents either. You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. Dont engage in the action. Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. I agree with you, as well. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception. I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. She didnt rape him. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. hamster van beethoven Id argue the country is not any better off for it, either. 2. Top 49 Girlfriend Jokes 1. I brought my girlfriend home and introduced Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. Plenty dont. Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. Thanks for proving you and your ilk are out to entrap men to sustain your lifestyle by dropping as many babies as you can..and living on welfare checks honest people pay for..SLUT! Good. I had no idea most women hated it. Get tested for an std too because your love obviously did not use a condom. Just something to think about. The sex was good. Why do you think that is? She never said an unkind word about him and made sure I knew that hed fulfilled his obligations by paying child support. reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A
At some point you have to recognize your own self-worth and value, otherwise you will keep allowing him and others to walk all over you. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. I didnt mean to imply it wasnt true, it just unfortunately isnt enforceable. But, of course, this makes him an asshole. Always follow your gut and your instincts. He also said he is furious with this women for wanting to keep the child, because they were only together for 2 minutes. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. P.P.S. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. Maam, hes made a choice. But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. It takes a man to be a father. Guy Friday The fact that he doesnt means hes no good for either of you. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. 5. hi there! Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. No loss there. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. John Rohan If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. I dont know if hes a bad guy or not since we only have the ex-girlfriends side of the story. She has decided to keep the baby and that is not his choice and CERTAINLY not yours. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. April 9, 2012, 12:53 pm, He might very well be an immature asshole. Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. I agree with all of this. You know, I was thinking about that, too. lets_be_honest This asshole is not the answer. It has nothing to do with the man. You can get pregnant on birth control! If women insist on compelling child support from the man, then dont whine if society insists that women support the child until birth. I'm very upset that my ex girlfriend got pregnant by her new boyfriend she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A
Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. Like condoms until you actually know you can trust them. And, again, this is common except with those inflicted with social disorders who cant seem to not say exactly what theyre thinking. Once you decide to have sex you are basically saying that you realize pregnancy is a possibility. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? April 9, 2012, 12:55 pm, Im sure there are many, many women who would argue that its not all rainbows and butterflies in attaining child support. And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. I DO think its completely absurd to be furious with someone else however when you become a parent after choosing to do the exact thing that can cause pregnancy. And he wants absolutely nothing to do with that baby? * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. Thats shitty. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? I was just 6 months into a relationship when I got pregnant. AndreaMarie They Didn't "Win". 6napkinburger And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. Even SCOTUS pointed that out. He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. Youre more than welcome. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. Probably a creationist, from what you know about biological science. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother.