Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. Whether we are comfortable with it or not, visiting bereaved families is part of living in society. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. Some placement restrictions may apply. Your sister was a beautiful person. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. advice. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. AstraZeneca says COVID-19 'vaccine for the world' can be 90% effective, HSC teachers in Kerala ordered to return to schools from Dec 17, Elaborate precautionary measures in Sabarimala in view of COVID-19, MBBS student from Kannur found hanging in hostel, Pistol goes off accidentally at Kottayam taluk office, narrow escape for UD clerk, Two held over Jharkhand native's death in Idukki, Was unsure about returning to court after gaining 23kg during pregnancy: Sania, F1: Hamilton wins Turkish GP, equals Schumi's record of seven world titles, AFI's High Performance Director Volker Herrmann resigns, WhatsApp gets approval to launch payments feature in India, Rampaging ATK grab historic third ISL title, A fantastic library is the highlight of this quaint Kasaragod house, Green Mediterranean diet is good for a healthy heart: Study, The ritual of salt-offering at a Subramanya temple in Kerala, Iconic illustrator Quentin Blake's drawings to be sold to benefit UK gallery, Ludo movie review: This hyperlink dark comedy got no logic but does some magic, BTS makes history, becomes the first Korean act to get a Grammy nomination. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. There is no official time frame for writing notes of appreciation to those who have extended their condolences and kindness to you. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as speed is the best and appropriate choice. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. They also believe that the souls next incarnation depends on the personskarma (actions during their previous life). Cremation rituals may vary in different places. The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. Even though you're new to the neighborhood, your neighbor would likely appreciate your expression of sympathy. Once the major decisions have been made, visit, or at least speak with, the person performing the service. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. And then it is appropriate to briefly visit the bereaved family at home at the end of the day. Read digital editions of Vanitha, Weekly and more Last Updated Wednesday November 25 2020 03:54 PM IST. At the point of acute loss, the person will be numb and will not be able to listen to long lectures and suggestions by visitors. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. This ceremony is attended by male family members and a priest. On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Exchange stories about your loved one. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. In many rural areas of India, gender inequalities still exist where the men adopt the head of household position. There is no need to cover the head. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Women need to dress conservatively with knees and arms covered. In summary, visiting a grieving family requires good knowledge of etiquette as outlined above. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? One of the worst bloopers and a bane of modern technology when not done right, taking unsolicited photographs is a total no-no at a home where death has just occurred. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. In order to settle the estate, all outstanding bills and dues that the How To Express Sympathy: What To Say And What Weve compiled a list of things to sayand things to avoid sayingwhen A Quick Overview Of Proper Funeral Etiquette. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. They can wear open-toe shoes. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. Although not a good idea immediately after the passing, subsequent visits with the family can be enlivened by conversation about the good memories we had together with the person. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. It's up to you. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. If your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died is more casual, it may be best to wait until the wake, funeral or memorialservice, or after the funeral to reach out. 6. This period usually lasts for 10 days. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . Traditionally, the Hindu funeral ceremony involves a ritual burning of the deceased body. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. of an actual attorney. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Amen. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. There are no set customs prohibiting working during the period of mourning, so returning to work is often an individual decision. It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. I'm here for you." When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. 9. Usually, Hindu families arrange the funeral ceremony within 24 hours after death. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. Hindu death rituals involve chanting of certain mantras, which are written especially to be chanted at funerals. As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. If thats the case, then you would express hope for the path after death to be more apparent than the one during life. (1995). In the Southern state of Tamil Nadu, messaging can go one of two ways when losing a parent. Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. Wild boar hunters; Why few respond to Forest Dept notice, Facebook, Instagram launch AR effect featuring Kohli, Champions League: Juventus, Barca, Chelsea through to last 16, Damandeep Singh Soni: Rowing boAt in the challenging waters of marketing, Renault to launch compact SUV Kiger in Jan-Mar 2021, Entrepreneurship can be cultivated at any age, any time: Ankita Mallika Bansal, Opt for featherweight jeans to blend style and comfort, 'Jallikattu' India's Oscar entry for Best International Film, Jayasurya completes 100th movie in Malayalam cinema, Digital nomads! Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. If You're More Casually Acquainted With The Person Who Died Or The Bereaved E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. generalized educational content about wills. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. 1. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. Duplicate and frame favorite photo (s) of your loved one for family gifts. As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. If a family member has persistent trouble sleeping, help must be summoned. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. (Extra chairs can be made available for the elderly.) The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. Most 10-year-olds are ready for this type of experience, as long as they are accompanied by a parent or someone else close to them. Our Religions: The Seven World Religions Introduced by Preeminent Scholars From Each Tradition. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. In fact, unless we are absolutely certain of the familys religious and spiritual convictions, it is better to avoid the topic altogether, and give them some space instead. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. Honorary pallbearers do not actually carry the casket at a funeral, and they do not serve at a memorial service because there is no casket present. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. 4. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. or the universal soul. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. Grief is Complex, Etiquette Can Help Keep it Simple. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Sharma, A. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. A place to share knowledge and better understand the world. Doing away with anything that suggests we are arriving at a party is sensible. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. Then, organize help with phone calls and the preparation of a newspaper announcement. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. It is important to avoid language bloopers like hearty condolences, a common error in this part of the world. Loss is hard. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. This link will open in a new window. Serve his or her favorite foods. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. They'll surely understand. Blaming the family for not doing enough. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. The Good Thinking team has produced this short guide to help anyone in the Hindu community across London who has lost a loved one, and to help health and care professionals who are supporting terminally ill patients of the Hindu faith. May she rest in peace. Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. During this period, the immediate family follows all Hindu mourning rites. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. Available to ship anywhere in the U.S. After the cremation service, the family will return home and perform Hindu death rituals such as ceremonial bathing. Below, well use this concept in offering messages for the loss of a child. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! 3. Sometimes, it is just for the family. For a parent, sons and daughters are equally precious. This link will open in a new window. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. During the weeks and months of loneliness that follow, especially after the crowds disperse, the bereaved person might feel that the world is avoiding them. Be sensitive to the level of help your friend is asking for. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. The guests should expect to see the body, offer condolences to the bereaved family, and take a seat quietly. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. Members of the immediate family aren't chosen, as their place is with the family. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. Will it be a private or open service? Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. This link will open in a new window. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. I am sorry for your loss. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: A funeral/wake at the family's place. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. "Mukhagni" or a cremation ceremony. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. You are using an out of date browser. Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Hare Krishna. Similarly, theres no understanding of heaven or hell, but there is the desire to achieve Nirvana. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. The family also . When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. The soul is unborn, eternal, immortal and primeval. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. If we are not familiar with the deceaseds family, it is better to introduce ourselves and verify the identity of key family members before proceeding to offer condolences. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. Usage of any form or other service on our website is Choose from trainer trainings, seminars, live-online workshops, and self-paced online courses, to best meet your etiquette training needs. Every one of the rituals within the Hindu ceremonies is a reality check to help us confront our grief, interact with it, accept it and keep going on--both in life and spiritually.". As there is no room for error, it is better to go prepared than be caught by surprise not knowing how to respond in such situations. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. However, the following brief and simple condolences will let the grieving family know you care: We are sober, we are really sad about his sudden departure, May the Creator accept our prayers on his behalf. people will avoid going to the deceased house. 8. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. Have a shortened version ready in case you find yourself breaking down. subject to our Terms of Use. It is better to dress conservatively. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. Surely, a card or note to the mother would be welcomed as well. Your sister was a beautiful person. form. Harper San Francisco. If you decide to let her attend, prepare your daughter by letting her know what the service involves and address any questions she may have. All rights reserved. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Hindu Quotes of Condolence and Healing. We have the perfect wedding, graduation or housewarming gift for someone special in your life. The mourning period lasts for 10 days after the death. Seeing other friends and family members at the service may prompt conversations and shared stories about the deceased, lengthening the time of the visit. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). On behalf of this community, I would like to offer our heartfelt condolences and prayers to your entire family. The dos as well as the donts are important. 15. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. Here, reading 2.20 has been explained. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is.